Nearly all of us at one stages in our lives will have had the experience that we are being judged. Not just by people we know but worse - by strangers. Paranoia begins to creep in as we walk down the street and by half way down we've convinced ourselves that everyone is looking at us. Your anxiety levels start to rise, you pull at your top to ventilate and wish your brain would just shut up. There's some good news though - unless your an A list celebrity or your face is on wanted posters up and down the country in the majority of cases it will all be in your mind, and here's why...
Every time we walk past someone we don't know in the street our brain starts doing mental calculations for us and it kindly places people into one of four categories;
i. Friend - Is this person coming towards me a potential new friend? Could I see us sat together over a cup of coffee discussing the latest episode of Homeland or generally putting the world to rights whilst all the time maintaining a happy persona? Did they raise their eyebrows, did they smile at you or tilt their head? These are all good, positive and happy signals that your brain will respond well to.
ii. Threat - How about this next person, are their hands positioned where you can't see them? The brain hates that and automatically takes it as a perceived threat. Are they eye blanking you with a hat or hoodie which makes it harder to guess what they might do? Your limbic system should now be on high alert.
iii. Potential partner - Do you feel that rush of blood to the head? Do your cheeks begin to glow, are you getting that odd warming sensation in your earlobes? If someone put a mirror in front of your face at the this very moment apart from it being highly inconvenient and distracting, would your pupils be dilated? Are you having thoughts of wedding bells, the patter of tiny feet or in the case of some men - well you can hazard a guess at what they might be thinking...
iv. Indifference - Yes that's right, your brain has decided that it's totally indifferent to the person rapidly approaching you. It couldn't give a single shit about them. It doesn't want to talk TV shows over coffee, it's not turning your feet ready to run in the opposite direction, it's not eyeing them up to see if they'd be suitable to take home to meet the parents - none of the above. Instead we are just going to continue on past them like they were never there.
So guess what the default setting for your brain is - yep you guessed it - Indifference! What's the default setting for everyone's brain - Indifference! The person walking towards you no more cares about who or what you are than your brain does about them. So stop your worrying. If they're not indifferent to you then 2 out of the 3 remaining options are in your favour - they either think you're potentially a friend or they want to... well get to know you better. Maybe even being perceived as a threat can have it's advantages too, especially on those days that you'd rather be left alone in peace.
With 7 plus billion people in the world being indifferent is the easiest option. Imagine having to try make friends with everyone you walked past or without knowing it you made enemies with at least a quarter of the people you walk past without even saying a word. The world's a scary enough place as it is without the weight of that on our shoulders every single day.
It's important to know though that our primitive brains switch to a negative perception of others when we have limited data. So if you find yourself in those awkward social gatherings don't hide your hands in your pockets or behind your back from view. As we've already learned the brain perceives those as carrying a potential threat. It doesn't allow for the logic that you might be shy and socially awkward or a natural introvert who is desperate for a little me time right now. Don't try put on one of those fake smiles for people either. You might think you're good at them but we're programmed to spot the fact that you're faking it. If you can't raise a smile try finding someone your brain has identified as a potential friend and look in their direction and as you do make eye contact, raise your eye brows for three seconds, extend your arms slightly to your side and put your hands out with your palms forward and fingers apart, tilt your head to the side and shrug as if to say - what you gonna do! Oh and try practice doing this in one smooth continuous motion, not one after the other like a programmed robot going through the tasks one by one.
The brain will respond to the raised eyebrows and since we were just four months old we are programmed to respond to a tilted head. The open palms will show that you carry no threat and having your arms by your side will expose your belly showing that you come in peace. Well unless you happen to be a gun toting maniac and in that case you've just given the game away. As for the shrug - well maybe it's just an easy way of avoiding the smiling part you find hard, or you never know it might find a smile on their face which in turn creates a smile on yours.
As always I hope you find this of interest and of help.
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